Sunday, 26 June 2011

Five.

Back at home now, living with my family. It's nice, and they're amazing but... I feel I have absolutely no control over anything. I want to cut, I want to stop eating, I just want to be in charge and do what I want but I know I shouldn't, I know it's stupid, I...

I don't know. Andrew says good things about me but they're clearly all the wrong things because nothing I can do can make him truly like me. Unrequited love hurts.
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5 comments:

  1. Just me26 June 2011 at 15:16

    I'm back home now too. I think you have more control than you realise - I mean, you said you know you shouldn't. So go with that. Be strong - praying for you! x

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  2. Fat. Bitch.26 June 2011 at 15:24

    Thank you. <3 I'm doing my best but it's difficult. I feel like I suddenly have no friends to talk to. My friends at home have shown little interest in me since I've been away. I tried my best with them, but I can't be arsed if they won't return anything. And my friends at Uni are Andrew, who I can't talk to about all of this, and people who know Andrew so... It's annoying that I feel I have no one to talk to that I won't just annoy and make hate me. ='( x x

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  3. Sarah26 June 2011 at 15:40

    Rach, you are a lovely, beautiful, wonderful person whether Andrew likes you or not. I hardly know him but what I do know is that your value doesn't depend on what anyone else thinks. You're precious and valuable, there are lots of people who love you and want to see you happy. I know the out of control feeling and how scary it can be, but you are still in control. You are doing brilliantly to admit the things you're struggling with, you are stronger than all the things you're fighting. Most importantly you are NOT on your own. My phone is always on if you need me. If it's easier then just text and I'll come online and we can chat. Try and go to bed and get some rest, it's exhausting coping with all of this. Sending lots of love and prayers your way. You're doing great lovely xxxx

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  4. Fat. Bitch.26 June 2011 at 16:14

    I feel too hot to even get into bed, it's horrible. Thank you gorgeous. <3 I'm sorry for being so stupid about everything. I feel like a tiny little kid again and feel that people who don't understand like you do will just tell me I need to grow up. =(
    I hate sleeping by myself. I don't like it. Again, such a little kid but... I don't know how to grow up. x x x

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  5. Just me27 June 2011 at 02:37

    ^Sounds like one great friend right there :)

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